I Didn’t Give You The Gift of Life….

So, we seem to be having (8) & (5) a lot more as of late. Which has been lovely and making me exceptionally broody. I guess the more time we have them them more of a family we are but at the same time it highlights the fact I’m not their biological Mum.

I guess it’s difficult to explain how it feels, you won’t know the heartache unless you experience yourself. Being a step parent isn’t the easiest of jobs. Then again no one ever said parenting was easy. It doesn’t always run smoothly, trust me, at the start I had to go through absolute hell.

At the moment we’re trying to establish a routine for school nights, we used to just have the boys of a weekend and the occasional school night if their Mum was away or Nan was poorly. We started 2018 with an agreement with their Mum that we could have them more as she has just started a new job and is probably grateful for the additional help. It’s hard to juggle full time employment as well as raising children. It’s about learning to juggle work, children and a relationship.

Step parents are often seen as horrible people (we’re not all horrible, I promise). A lot of people label us that way, we do not use step parent as a reference in our house. The boys call me Laura, there are many occasions that they will accidentally call me mummy and we always correct them. Yes, I provide for them, feed, clothe, clean them. I do everything a mother would for their child the only thing I can’t do is be their biological Mum. This doesn’t stop me from having an amazing bond with them. I am more than just their dad’s partner. I don’t do all these things for the boys because I have to. I do it because I want to, I love having them around and I will always put their needs before anything.

Being a workaholic, I do tend to miss out on a lot of things with the boys like their school play, (5)’s first day of school etc. As of late I haven’t been going to any of their out of school activities much to their disappointment, which was noted at dinner a few evenings ago that they would like me to go with them more. I felt guilty, I felt like I’d let them down.

The worst part of my week is when we say goodbye to the boys, we both miss them terribly when they are not around making noise or making a mess. Our home seems so empty without the boys.

So, while the boys may not be biologically mine, I still love and care for them as if they were. I can’t picture my life without them and their Dad. The three of them are my world. I genuinely worship the ground those two little men walk on.

 

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